you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
