Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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