Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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