Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I cut my penus on the lid.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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