Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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