I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
