he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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