just come out here and I will go home with you...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
