using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
