ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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