fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
