How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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