I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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