How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
