I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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