it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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