Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
