I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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