"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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