Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I believe in your delicious
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
