i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My pussy is not your playground.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
