also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
