Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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