Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
