Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
