If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
