We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
jump out the window naked night went bad
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
