so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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