Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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