I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
