Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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