Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
