I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
bring money and cleavage
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
