And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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