I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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