At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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