so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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