I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
