He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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