Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
