Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm jealous of your bromance
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
