i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
