I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
