Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
