he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
