i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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