last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
