I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
