Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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