your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
