dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
