how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
