Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
