If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
