...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
