So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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