my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
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