WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
