man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
my liver is dry heaving
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize