I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
