the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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