how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
