He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
