WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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