I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
