Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
