hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
